If I had one word to describe my experience in Africa it would be simply this: Love. Gods love was so overwhelming and evident to me even from the moment before I stepped on the plane to leave. I was at the airport and I couldn’t believe that I was going to Africa. I felt like God was simply just loving on me as his child and granting me the unspoken desires of my heart. Sure, I had my doubts and insecurities but I knew at that moment that Gods love was coving over all those things. Through out the journey, the feeling only increased. God simply just poured down his love into me, through me and around me. Everything I did was inspired by his consuming love. I felt I was not even doing anything. Instead, I was witnessing love move through me; like being moved by an indescribable force; like being in a dream, the kind you never want to wake up from. The places we went, the children we ministered to, the missionaries we served, the people we spoke with; everyone and everything was like a testimony to me of the depth, the height and the width of Gods amazing love. God did something very special in my heart during this trip. I had been previously suffocating and numbing my heart to the sorrows of this world. I figured nothing’s ever going to change and no one could really make a difference in these countries where war, rape, corruption, poverty and disease had made their homes. I had almost convinced myself that there was nothing I could do but weep and despair and hope that Jesus would come back soon. So in order to protect my heart I wanted it to become cold. Not angry or cruel, just numb… dead… apathetic…
What God did was extraordinary. He took my heart and brought it back to life. He took my small and insignificant life and showed me how powerful and mighty his love is, even through me. He showed me first hand how his love is sweeping across these nations and bringing hope and restoration in the places and cases I thought there could never be any. God sees the pain of the orphan, he hears the cries of the desolate women who have been mercilessly raped, he’s aware of the turmoil of a county ripped apart by war and violence. He sees and he has a plan and his plan starts with his love… for God so loved the world…
I remember the last few days in Africa when we were leaving from the orphanage in Sudan. I was very much heart broken to say goodbye to the girls. But I remember as we drove away and the fresh morning air cooled my tear stained cheeks, I was filled with such a sense of peace. I was amazed at how much you could love someone when you allow God to love through you. I remember how later that evening as I read my Bible how it had suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks; how much God had loved me and loves me. I was so overwhelmed; for truly, it is an overwhelming feeling. Something I’ve been longing to discover with my heart, not only my mind.
I am very extremely in awe but most of all humbled. Humbled that he would love me so much and ashamed that so many times I don’t recognize and see this love.
Saying goodbye was difficult; saying goodbye to Sudan, Uganda… to Africa. I was saddened to leave but so filled with joy and wonder at what God had done. What his love had done!
So you see I could tell you stories of where we went and what we preached and the number of people who were saved, but that wouldn’t do justice to what God really showed me there. His infinite and perfect love; love like never before.
